Here are a few tips:
• Divide the day into chucks – having a routine for the family takes away the stress of firefighting demands and tantrums of kids who don’t know what to do in that given hour. Adding plenty of free play and reading time gives the children time to pick their choice of activity without worrying you. If you have a garden, make sure you take advantage of that and spend at least one hour there a day.
Dedicate a space: Brain space and physical space – Children generally do not have their own dedicated physical space and thus end up being in the same space as adults. Taking turns to be in a room helps you as parents focus on things without distraction and also allows kids to understand the concept of personal space. Keep activity options for children to do when it is their turn to use the room (music for dancing, colouring sheets, toys to play with, books to read, activity stations etc).
• Make the most of nap time - naptimes and bedtimes are going to be your new best friend, so try to schedule your work around these times. This will help you lower the anxiety and stress of trying to finish everything while multitasking.
• Divide responsibilities - start each week by marking out hours between you and your partner to take turns to look after the children. If there is a time where both need to be working, do not adverse to a movie afternoon with popcorn and blankets. Try and think about new ways you could still get support by phone or video call. Grandparents reading stories to their grandchildren by video. If you have other family members living in the same household, do not shy asking for help from them.
• Self-time – we have to be intentional about creating space to recharge and decompress. This could look like taking a shower or bath, walking around the block alone (or with your dog), or designating time to read or simply zone out after the kids have gone to bed. Make space for rest, exercise and to keep in touch with your friends and family, to stay strong and look after your wellbeing.
• Be realistic - Be realistic about what you can or can’t manage. It is a difficult time for everyone. Avoid burnout by setting realistic expectations and giving yourself grace if you can’t meet them. Practice forgiveness and self-compassion. Remember you’re doing your best during a very difficult time.
• Spiritual time – It’s a blessing to be an Ismaili. Practicing our regular rituals can help us fill the void. Listening to Ginans with kids, reciting one Farman (Golden and Diamond Jubilee Farman books) during Dua time, saying Tasbhi before going to bed can all help us bring balance to our daily lives and get mental peace.
Finally, remember, being kind to yourself will not only help you stay calm during this difficult time, but it will also help ensure that you have the bandwidth you need to take good care of your family. When you’re running on fumes, caring for others can tax your already depleted resources to breaking point. But when you prioritize your needs, you’re filling the tank, emotionally and physically, and that means you’ll be in a position to offer comfort and care to others when they need it most.
